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UCSB Bites 9
This Bites For
You, Ms Crazy
The article written by Amanda Gates in the February
8, 2006, Nexus
is priceless. Apparently, Ms.
Crazy was featured in a recent police blotter article and felt the need to
personalize her anonymous 15 minutes of fame by going public (Google “Amanda
Gates”). She feels compelled to
raise a lone voice for civil rights in the oppressive police state of IV.
It is a case study of what’s wrong with far too many of the
self-important little snot-noses at UCSB.
Let’s break down her self-serving sanctimonious scat:
- First,
she proudly announces an unnecessary fact: her boyfriend lives in the 6600
block of Del Playa. Right away
we know that these folks are early to bed, early to rise Sunday school
teachers – hello, 6600 block of DP – party animals!
- She
admits parking her car on the wrong side of the street and in a no parking
zone. But rather than merely
comply with a simple request from the officer to move the car, our budding
jailhouse lawyer promptly instructs the uppity officers, “The car is still
running.” Great, she sees a
loophole. She refuses to move
the car. And we can tell from
the rest of her writings that she must have said it in very sweet way.
- The
officer then tickets her, and, of course, she is so upset that she can only
response by writing “Fuck You” on the signature line of the ticket
instead of signing her name. That
is the same response I have every time I get upset or flustered.
Just last week I walked by two nuns who said hello to me, and I,
because I was flustered, blurted out, “Fuck you, penguins.”
The nuns took it well – I think that they thought I had Tourette's
syndrome.
- She
then provides a wonderful opportunity for the IVFP to review and update
their procedures and equipment. Apparently,
they need softer seats in the patrol cars and Gucci vomit bags.
And, oh-my-god, those metal bars are so last century.
- “Little
Miss Fuck You” then has the unmitigated gall to publicly attack the
officers and the IVFP while invoking the Golden Rule.
Our taciturn little princess seems to imply that all her
troubles were caused because she is not able to verbalize her responses quickly
enough. Funny, she sure got out
her “The car is still running” remark fast enough. And, she also thought quickly enough to add her indecent
indicia to the ticket.
I hope Ms. Crazy does one of two things:
Seek some professional help (I am not referring to a lawyer), or, in the
alternative, file a citizen’s complaint on the IVFP.
This Bite Is For The Rest Of You Who
Complain About The IVFP
Use Form SH-5333, Report of Citizen Complaint, to
file a complaint if you believe that you have been abused. And be aware that it contains the following language:
“If you make a complaint against an officer knowing that it is false,
you can be prosecuted on a misdemeanor charge.”
Perhaps it is this single sentence that explains why the IVFP is so
maligned in the Nexus and yet, so few complaints are ever filed.
One side of the story always tells better than a two-sided account.
It is easy to be a snide little guttersnipe and carp
from a safe distance – it is a little harder to actually stand up and make
your position known. You know, the
other Golden Rule: Put up or shut up!
Respectfully submitted,
Banjo Reams
Editor’s Note: We apologize to
the community for Banjo’s comments. He has become embarrassingly judgmental.
Our reaction after reading his piece was, “How dare he attack this
precious and fragile young woman who has suffered at the hands of the fascist
police.” J
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