UCSB Bites February 2006 - Part Two

Political Bites

Looks like the A.S. VP, Adam Graff, is in the running for the annual CMA (Cervin Morris Award).  We haven't check on his prior criminal convictions yet so he may not qualify.   I believe that to qualify for the award you have to commit a felony while on probation for other crimes.  Just a few misdemeanors won't get you in the running.  If it did, we would have thousands of UCSB winners.  I am sure that the Student's Party is very proud of young Master Graff.  Note to self:  Ask Adam to write column on IVFP's conduct since he has recent first hand experience.  

UCSB Non-Judgmental Bite

uctv.tv is way cool.  If this trend continues, UCSB students may be able to party all the time and just watch their classes on their computer.  Do you think someone will develop a streaming Clift Notes version of the video feeds?   This could put the frat "libraries" (you know the room where they keep all the tests and answers in) out of business.     

UCSB Judgmental Bites

OK, I know that I will get nasty email from the politicos about my remarks about Adam.  Let's just save us all a lot of time.  If you have anything to say in his defense for staggering around in circles drunk or drugged out of his skull (other than the excuses and justification listed below), send it and I will add them to the list of standard UCSB bullshit excuses for what the administration euphemistically referrers to as "bad choices."    Otherwise, just send me an email and put in the subject line the number of the excuse or excuses that you would like to proffer.   Here is the standard sophomoric UCSB list of excuses:

1.  What he does on his own time doesn't matter.  (Also used by Bill Clinton's apologists)  

2.  He works/studies hard and should have the right to party.  

3.  He pays a lot of money to go to UCSB and shouldn't be punished for a mistake.  (A mistake is what happens when you add up a column of numbers wrong.  A mistake is what           you call it when you misdial a phone number.  Getting stoned, on whatever, isn't a mistake.

4.  His personal conduct does not put UCSB in a poor light. (This is actually true if you assume that he was attempting to move UCSB higher than number four in the national "party school ratings.)

5.  He made a poor choice.  (I love this one.  I think it is Yang's favorite too).

6.  He didn't hurt anyone.  (Just because you are lucking doesn't mean you aren't a dangerous jerk.  Or the potential victim of one of the other local UCSB/SBCC/IV thugs).  

Well, keep those emails coming, because I really enjoy reading them.  Yeah, riiiiiiiiight.    

Respectfully submitted,

Banjo Reams