UCSB Bites May 2006

UCSB Non-Judgmental Bite

Katie Mahon's article was well done.  I admire her commitment to stopping sexual assaults at UCSB.  However, as usual, I have some constructive criticism.  In her article, she exhorts people to: think, believe, talk, educate, write, recognize, understand, and in general, other feel good non-judgmental stuff.   What she fails to mention are two things:  alcohol and punishment.   Most problems in the UCSB/IV community have alcohol as a contributing factor.   Stop the alcohol abuse and the sexual assault rate goes down.  Next item: enforcement.  If the administration of UCSB would take action against the behaviors that she mentioned, the sexual assault rate would decrease.   So while it is ok to verbally assault (with impunity) women who walk in IV, one wonders if the same  lowlifes hurled words like "nigger" or "spick" from their balconies at passing minorities, how long would it take before the university took action.  UCSB double standard?  Maybe not, maybe UCSB only gets involved when it finds it necessary to wash its own skirts!

UCSB Judgmental Bites

CASE (College Alcohol Skills Education program) counselor says most of the 300 students in the program "do not have a drinking or drug problem."  Let me think, they are under age, they are violating stated UCSB policy by using drugs and/or alcohol in the dorms.  Riiiiight, no problems here.  And how about the UCSB medical director who claims success with the program because, "Thus far, no student assigned to CASE this year has been written up for alcohol or drug use more than twice."  Did you catch that, not more than twice.  The program has been operating less than a year and because there are no "three strikers" it' a success.  Restated in math: two violations per year times four years and you could have eight violations in total but be a successful graduate of CASE.  To be successful at UCSB you merely need to complete a four-year degree in six years.  Ugh? 

Campus Review Committee May Expand Authority Into I.V.   GOOD!  Let's see if Yang has the testicular fortitude to push this through.   Here is the bad news, the committee has always been feckless.  It only takes action in about 50 cases a year.  Mostly for Internet plagiarism.  With literally thousands of violations in IV every year, how will the committee handle them?   

While talking about extending the jurisdiction, Associate Dean of Students Joseph Navarro said, “I think the whole increase in alcohol abuse over the last several years has something to do with it. … I think it’s just an attempt to make UCSB a safer place.”  Say what?   It can now be revealed  that Associate Dean of Students Joseph Navarro is actually the mastermind behind thedarksideofucsb.com.  Clearly it was that very vision (safer campus) that created the Dark Side.  Note to Dean Navarro:  The official UCSB spins is that there are no problems with drugs, alcohol abuse, assaults, or sexual assaults at UCSB.  Watch your backside Dean.  Speaking the truth about UCSB can get you in trouble.  

Couch burning season?  Supervisor Firestone said. “I really feel for the person who’s prosecuted, who otherwise is a brilliant student.”  Hey Firestone, what if the perpetrator is just some dumb shit?  Would you still feel sorry for him, too?   

Speaking of vandalism, arson, and general mayhem (also known as fun in IV), the "Don't Rat" policy is alive and well at UCSB: Hundreds of witnesses to vandalism and nobody saw nothing.  By the way, what exactly is a "former Santa Barbara City  College student?"  Sounds like a part of the problem to me – another dummy who couldn't make it in school but hangs on for the drugs, booze and party scene.   His parents must be busting with pride. 

Destroying cars and burning furniture is fun for the UCSB environmental generation?  It would seem that UCSB has lost most of its moral superiority on environmental issues.  If Exxon dropped one teaspoon of oil on the ground, UCSB students would riot in the streets demanding social justice.  But as long as the glitterati of IV are polluting for fun, drunkenness, and tradition, its OK.  UCSB hypocrisy knows no limits.   


Respectfully submitted,

Banjo Reams

Editor's comment:  It would appear that Banjo has plagiarized some of his material from the Internet.  We would like our readers to know that just like the Campus Review Committee, we have taken swift and immediate action.  For the rest of the school year (all two weeks) he has been placed on administrative leave.  Of course, he will get full pay and be allowed to graduate – just like the tough guys on the Campus Review Committee,  we don't want to ruin his self esteem.   And, of course, the record of his crimes will be sealed so that it will never see the light of day.  That is why we can't get rid of this guy.  We convict him of crimes against UCSB, but because the record is immediately sealed, he is continuously a "first-time  offender."