UCSB Bites - May 30,  2007

Political Bites

If Santa Barbara County passes a new ordinance designed to stop underage drinking and reduce the damage caused by the IV party scene, it will have done more to stop the carnage in IV with a single law than  UCSB has done in total.  While IV burns (actually it is drowning in booze), Yang fiddles. 

UCSB Non-Judgmental Bites 

Are you serious?    

UCSB Judgmental Bites

I have been getting lots of heat from the frat-rats.  Looks like the frat-rats are much more sensitive than I thought.  Just to show that there are no hard feelings, I have decided to work with the charity mavens of the frat/sorority scene at UCSB.  Since I know that they really, really, really want to help, here is my idea: Instead of topless girls playing volleyball , hotties caring round signs at fight night, or wet tee shirt contests, let's have a "bottomless" car wash staffed only by the frat-rats.  This might raise money for charity (I would recommend the penal implant society).  Additionally, it might address some of the  shortcomings in the Greek system that seem to feed their need to over compensate.   By having the boys engaged in a sexually titillating activity, it would eliminate the criticism of the frats' perceived abuse of women.  You know, let the Sensitive New Age Guys (SNAGs) show the softer, metro-sexual side of their personalities.  

The Nexus should drop all pretext of producing a serious publication and just publish the Drinker's Digest.   Really high level stuff.  This is one of my favorites.  I can only image how proud the parents of this writer must be.   What a high level of social responsibility he radiates.    Floatopia – another proud moment. for UCSB.  For those of you who think we overstate the party scene, check this out this  weekly drinking column that glamorizes drinking – very responsible.  Oh ya, one more high point:  Going to Mexico to get shit-faced in a border town sounds like a really good idea for 18 year olds.  

Respectfully submitted,

Banjo Reams

Editor's comment:  We love the idea of an all frat bottomless car wash.  It would go a long way to eliminating the sexual stereotyping at UCSB.  How about it boys, are you interested in showing some sexual equality and proving what big guys your really are?